Peace on Earth, But not on Glan Tai

“Silence is something you come to fear, when you have too much of it,” said the Director of the Glan Tai facility the day after violence broke out in the prison’s mess hall. The director said she was not surprise when a fight broke out between two inmates over some spilled food: “They get restless after a while. You come to expect trouble and you are never disappointed.” Injuries were isolated to the famed Bin Lily prisoner who was reached for comment while still in the prison infirmary: “I am Evander Holyfield and I seriously got ‘Mike Tyson-ed.’ That was my ear, man!” Doctors report that with a few stitches the patient will be like new, “except for the missing chunk of ear. There really isn’t much we can do about that.” The Director of Prisoner Relations commented that the new grizzled look will increase Bin Lily’s street cred: “Oftentimes when prisoners suffer injuries of this nature, it raises their status in the prison population. Having half an ear will definitely allow you to jump to the front of the shower line.”

Prisoner Apprehended by Local Law Enforcement Official

After a quiet summer and speculation that the Glan Tai facility may indeed be shut down, local officials were required in yet another attempted jail-break at the facility. Officer Johnson quickly apprehended the prisoner, but not without risk to his personal safety: “It was difficult to know exactly what the escapee would do under the situation. At first she looked confused, but then later she had a devious look about her.” Prison officials claim they were not taken completely by surprise as the summer was spent thwarting a series of tunneling attempts by the prisoner. Additional restraints of the prisoner are being discussed, but with close attention of the media, officials fear they may have few choices. One guard also mentioned, “Michael Vick really screwed things up for us.”